The biggest reason we are uncomfortable with love is FEAR.
Stop fearing loss.
A common reason for not being able to receive love is a prior experience of losing someone you loved, whether it was from death, a break-up, or for some other reason that has scarred you. If you spend all of your life pushing aside love given to you on the off-chance that the person offering it might withdraw it, you will always feel cynical and unsure, which is not a comfortable or happy place to be. Instead, embrace the love that they are offering and go with the flow, expecting those who offer you love to stay around.
Breaking the Love block is to learn to Love you.
This might be the hardest step of all but if you don’t love yourself that much, receiving love is impossible because you don’t believe that you deserve it. If this is the case, start working on why you can’t love yourself so well, including reading 30 Days to Freedom Becoming Authentic and practicing the art of meditation to help you explore these issues. Remember that every person is special and that you are very deserving of love.
Not everyone is meant to follow society’s norms and live a conventional life. Not all are equipped for a happy married existence like most people. Some are just not built this way. There are individuals who fail to realize stable relationships simply because they do not completely understand what it is. And the reason for this is they did not witness it themselves in their own homes.
There are people who never learned to trust because they were not provided adequate necessities for survival. They never learned patience due to excessive and strict demands. They never learned to care because when they were in desperate need of help, there was no one there to give it. They never learned to be faithful because the people who were meant to be their role models were themselves disloyal. And how can they understand what a healthy and stable relationship is when all they can remember are the constant and never-ending arguments at home?
It is the simple and plain truth that one cannot give what one never had. This is the sad reality of people whose lives were destroyed before they even began. It is for this reason that there are those who cannot love even if they try.
Yet many still make an effort to enter into relationships believing that they have learned from their unfortunate experiences. But as much they deny and repress the existence of these character flaws, their failings will unavoidably surface and ruin whatever they attempt to build. No amount of love they receive will suffice because the emptiness runs deep. Thus, their relationships are almost always doomed to fail.
Some however, after a number of failed attempts at building relationships are finally able to recognize their inability to love. They have come to accept it and instead withdraw and become emotionally distant. And this is one reason why there are people who choose to live alone.
Recognizing one’s emotional wounds is the first step towards rebuilding oneself. Realizing that romantic relationships cannot fill the void left by a history of neglect and mistreatment is necessary in order to begin the healing process. Once this realization is made, it therefore becomes a choice between living a life of solitude and seeking help in order to heal.
Healing starts within. Grab a free copy of the 7 love blocks ebook to find whats holding you back and how you can move forward.
The beginning of self-awareness is believed to be linked to the earliest moments of our life when we initially respond to our name or when we first see a reflection of ourselves. The notion of a self-concept develops in us from that instant. Interestingly, once our awareness of self is born, everything that happens to us throughout our lives will have an effect on it.
The environment we grow up in will condition us to value certain things that when sought, will increase our self-esteem. These values are however subjective and personal to each of us. Adhering to these values is what causes us to feel good about ourselves. And having a positive view of ourselves may lead to the experience of happiness. But this kind of happiness is longer lasting and not the temporary kind that results only from simple pleasures.
When an unfortunate event occurs in our lives, we may feel sad about it. But the sadness is often brief and does not really affect our view of ourselves. Real misery is not quite the same. It is an enduring sadness which does not fade with time. Misery often stems from seeing nothing positive in ourselves. When this happens, we lose any reason to feel good. And this causes our self-esteem to plummet. And engaging in mere superficial gratifications will not erase this misery.
Why does this happen? Having nothing to value in oneself is the reason. So, what is it do we value? Is it academic or professional success? Is it material prosperity? Is it having stable and fulfilling relationships? Is it doing charitable acts and exhibiting generosity? Is it being able to follow a moral or spiritual standard? Or is it simply liking what we see when we look in a mirror? This will depend entirely on the individual’s values and the personal standards he has set for himself.
Therefore, in order to find a lasting reason for feeling good and staying happy, we must first ask what it is that will cultivate a positive view of ourselves. Once we know what that is, we can strive towards its satisfaction. Finding and nurturing what we regard as positive and good in us will help prevent the onset of misery.